stop.

Just for a second.

Just stop.

and air goes through your chapped lips,

and your heart whimpers behind the cages of your ribs

and your eyes begin to quench.

It feels like someone’s gutted you,

cut you up into little fragments

and left you bleeding.

but you’re not.

you’re not bleeding

even your blood shrivels and shudders

away from you

cause you’re not worth it.

you don’t measure up.

you’ll never be it

you’ll never be enough

you’re just another disappointment

and your teeth chews your lips

and your fingers are clawing your skin

and your throat’s constricting

It’s like being stabbed repeatedly

and the worst part is that you know it’s coming

cause it always does and you want it to stop.

but you don’t beg.

you don’t beg. you don’t say anything.

you don’t. you take it as it comes

and stay quiet on the floor.

cause no one cares.

They can see your pain through your lying smile

hears it in your forced laughter

feel it in every touch you have.

but they don’t. and you don’t blame them.

you’re a screw up

you’re a problem

you’re a mistake

so you lay there,

no scream no whimper no sound

alone. unwanted. broken.

Just writings.

You stare into nothing … and hear everything.

Not everything, not the roar of a car’s ignition, or the tapping of fingers on a table, or even the quiet whistle of the wind.

No, not everything.

But something; you hear all the little voices, the shouts and the screams wailing inside your head. So dark and taunting these thoughts, they go through your mind like a deep vortex, forever making chaos.

'everything is over’

‘out of control’

‘abandoned’

Your heart squeezes, as uneasiness etches its territory over your brain. Anxiety will never leave you, it’s your only constant companion.

Not family, not friends, but anxiety.

And darkness, cause you were always dark, a shade darker from good.

Evil. Bad. Cruel. Weird. Different.Disturbed.Difficult. Annoying. Ruthless. Calculating. Manipulative.

The list goes on. And that’s all you have.

All these dark dark thoughts will never leave you.

Your one true companion.

And it’s true.

Cause everyone leaves. Everyone leaves you.

Even family.

Especially your family.

Your head starts to ache, as you think of broken plates and flying glasses. and Of grinning masks and tired eyes.

Everyone leaves you with these thoughts and feelings.

And you feel the bitter air in your lungs and the contortion of muscles, your slow marks of anger

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Breathe, breathe, breathe... and the old sting of dry tears come.

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

Shh… shh…. not now, not here. Not infront of everyone.swallow.

You swallow.

Atta girl. Now, smile.

You smile.

Now, pretend everything’s alright.

You nod, you smile, and you laugh

…and you stare into nothing and hear everything.