A house is not a home

There is a house.

Its nights are filled with chilled silence. There are no whispers of joy or rambunctious humour. Not even a slight warmth of laughter and any light of happiness.

Instead it is filled, filled to the brim with discontent and discomfort. The only sounds are echoes, of timid footsteps and whispered secrets. On Edge and Constantly Vigilant.

It is not a home.

Pictures of smiles and laughters fill the house. They show adventures with goofballs; capturing the moments of carefree and fun.

These pictures are lies.

There is no family; there is a household.

Silence is the patriarch; unrelenting and unyielding.

Pain is the matriarch; erratic and constant

They push and shove, paying no heed

to rational. to thought. to consequence.

paying no heed 

to the three fleeting shadows passing cross the door frame

to the three pair of ears pressed to the floor

to the three pair of eyes dried and worn

 to the innocent youth with his dimming eyes

 to the timid giant with his chained up heart

 and never to the eldest, unwise and controlled

planning unrelently, of failures and retreats, of curveballs and detours, of pain and misfortune.

No, 

not a heed of thought to three children living in a house, and not a home.

2014: the Return

Greetings and Salutations,

It's back.

It's the year 2014, I'm sitting in a coffee shop drinking my hot chocolate, (yes, I'm 20 years old and still do not like coffee)  and it just dawned on me. I miss writing. I miss the feel of typing out my thoughts. I miss this.

Blogging.
I never was one for a regular update, where I would ramble about my day-to-day activities.(Though lord knows I SO can ramble) but here's the thing. There is just this simple relief, this joy of sending a letter containing my thoughts, my musings and my feelings into the stark dark abyss of the internet. Even if it could swallow my words and leave no trace of its existence, I find that it isn't that much of a big deals, because who am I to say that the world should stop and pay heed to my ramblings. I'm simply just a small town girl (LOL. Brunei is a country, not a town. but whatever.) just trying to keep her head above water, just trying to make herself feel a little more solid in this inconsistent world.

So, I've decided to try it again. to climb back on the saddle, and astound myself with how ridiculous and pretentious I am.

Well.
Here I go.

Ladies and gentlemen;
I'm back.