You stare into nothing … and hear everything.
Not everything, not the roar of a car’s ignition, or the tapping of fingers on a table, or even the quiet whistle of the wind.
No, not everything.
But something; you hear all the little voices, the shouts and the screams wailing inside your head. So dark and taunting these thoughts, they go through your mind like a deep vortex, forever making chaos.
'everything is over’
‘out of control’
‘abandoned’
Your heart squeezes, as uneasiness etches its territory over your brain. Anxiety will never leave you, it’s your only constant companion.
Not family, not friends, but anxiety.
And darkness, cause you were always dark, a shade darker from good.
Evil. Bad. Cruel. Weird. Different.Disturbed.Difficult. Annoying. Ruthless. Calculating. Manipulative.
The list goes on. And that’s all you have.
All these dark dark thoughts will never leave you.
Your one true companion.
And it’s true.
Cause everyone leaves. Everyone leaves you.
Even family.
Especially your family.
Your head starts to ache, as you think of broken plates and flying glasses. and Of grinning masks and tired eyes.
Everyone leaves you with these thoughts and feelings.
And you feel the bitter air in your lungs and the contortion of muscles, your slow marks of anger
Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.
Breathe, breathe, breathe... and the old sting of dry tears come.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
Shh… shh…. not now, not here. Not infront of everyone.swallow.
You swallow.
Atta girl. Now, smile.
You smile.
Now, pretend everything’s alright.
You nod, you smile, and you laugh
…and you stare into nothing and hear everything.
